Cold hands, warm shart.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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