Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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