Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
