How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
