Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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