well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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