I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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