I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Two words: blizzard sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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