hotel room ftw
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
