i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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