Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
