Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
