Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Operation Purity has been aborted
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
