a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
