as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
