I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
