We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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