Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
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We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize