Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
