She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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