Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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