lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
