You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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