Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
