420 ftw
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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