i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n