also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
