I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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