were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
