What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
