Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
