chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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