my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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