I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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