She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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