i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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