i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
