giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This baby is an asshole
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
