WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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