I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
