Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
