Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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