you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
