so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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