i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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