Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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