he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
