Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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