So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would ride that face into the sunset
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
