Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
