Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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