i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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