Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
