just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
