I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
