And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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