come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
