we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
