He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
