I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
