I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
