rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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