Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
did i walk over a car last night?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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