Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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