Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
