So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I AM VODKA MAN
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
